Dirty Limericks

A young hooker from Kalamazoo,
Filled up her vagina with glue.
She said with a grin,
If they pay to get in,
They can pay to get out again too!

There once was a man from Kent,
With a penis so long that it bent,
It was so much trouble,
That he folded it double,
And instead of coming, he went.

There was a young lady named Claire,
Who possessed a magnificent pair.
Or that's what I thought,
'Til I saw one get caught,
On a thorn, and begin to lose air!

It seems I impregnated Marge,
So I do rather feel, by and large,
That some dough should be tendered,
For services rendered,
But I can't quite decide what to charge.

There was a young lady named Hitchin,
Who was scratching her crotch in the kitchen.
Her mother said, "Rose,
It's the crabs, I suppose."
She said, "Yes, and the buggers are itchin'!!"

A dull lad from around Istanbul,
Discovered red marks on his tool,
Said the Doctor, a cynic,
"Get out of my clinic,
And wipe off that lipstick, you fool!"

There once was a man from Bel Air,
Who was doing his girl on the stair,
But, then in mid-stroke,
The banister broke,
So he finished her off in mid-air.

On their first night of marital bliss,
The bride sought a genital kiss,
But OH her dismay,
When she heard hubby say,
"Ewww...not in the hole where you piss!"

Sweetie's a talented lass,
Her pix are just loaded with class,
She knows how to cope,
with a jerk or a dope,
She just slams a butt plug up their ass.

On the breast of a whore named Gail,
Was tattooed the price of her tail.
And on her behind,
For the sake of the blind,
Was the same information in Braille.