Dirty Limericks

There once was a man from O'Doole
who discovered red spots on his tool.
He went to the doc,
who looked at his cock,
and said, "wipe off the lipstick, you fool."

An architect fellow named Yoric
can, when he's feeling euphoric,
provide for selection
three types of erection:
Corinthian, Ionic, and Doric.

There was once a lawyer named Rex,
who was small in the parts used in sex,
When charged with exposure,
He replied, with composure,
"De minimus non curat lex."

If vodka were water and I were a duck,
I'd swim to the bottom and never come up.
But water's not vodka and I'm not a duck,
So pass me a bottle and shut the f**k up.

There once was a girl from Seattle,
Who's hobby was sucking off cattle.
When a bull from the South,
Shot a load in her mouth,
Her tits started to rattle.

There was an old lady from wheeling, she had such a wonderful feeling.
She lay on her back, spread open her crack and came all over the ceiling.

There was a young lady from Lyme
who liked to have sex all the time
so she slept with a tick,
and you might say 'ick'
but she said it is divine

A wanton young lady from Wimley
Reproached for not acting quite primly
Said, "Heavens above!
I know sex ain't love,
But it's such an entrancing facsimile."

From a crypt in the church of St. Giles,
Came a scream that resounded for miles!!
"My goodness gracious!"
Said brother Ignatius.
"I forgot that your lordship has piles."

An virgin felt urged in Toulouse
Till she thought she would try self-abuse.
In search of a hard on,
She ran out to the garden,
And was had by a statue of Zeus!