Dirty Limericks are the best kind of limericks and the most popular! Here you will find the nasty and sexual limericks that we can't show on the main page. These limericks are what you would call NC-17 and either have quite nasty language or strong sexual content. But that is why we like um! Remember you can submit your own dirty limericks by clicking in the "Add a Limerick" button in the navigation. Limercks are displayed by the most popular ones first, so make sure to Vote Up your favorites!
If vodka were water and I were a duck,
I'd swim to the bottom and never come up.
But water's not vodka and I'm not a duck,
So pass me a bottle and shut the f**k up.
The sea captain's tender young bride,
Fell into the bay at low tide.
You could tell by her squeal,
That a chance passing eel,
Had discovered a warm place to hide.
A luscious psychotic named Jane,
Once sucked every man on a train.
Said she, "Please don't panic,
I'm just nymphomanic,
This wouldn't be fun were I sane."
It seems I impregnated Marge,
So I do rather feel, by and large,
That some dough should be tendered,
For services rendered,
But I can't quite decide what to charge.
There was a young lady named Hitchin,
Who was scratching her crotch in the kitchen.
Her mother said, "Rose,
It's the crabs, I suppose."
She said, "Yes, and the buggers are itchin'!!"
There was a young man from Bombay,
Who fashioned a pussy from clay,
But the heat of his prick,
Turned the pussy to brick,
And chafed all his foreskin away!
Said the girl who was known as TX,
"My life's gotten way too complex.
There's girls... and there's boys,
...And ALL of my toys.
It's TOUGH, this addiction to sex!"
Soft Moan likes her cyber and phone,
Though single she's never alone,
Cuz if it's for sale,
it's been up her tail,
No sex toy that she doesn't own.
On the breast of a whore named Gail,
Was tattooed the price of her tail.
And on her behind,
For the sake of the blind,
Was the same information in Braille.
A maiden at college in Breeze,
Slept about with B.A.'s and Litt.D.'s,
But she collapsed from the strain,
Alas, it was plain,
She was killing herself by degrees.