Dirty Limericks

There once was a gal named Lewinsky,
Who played on a flute like Stravinsky.
'Twas "Hail to the Chief",
on this flute made of beef,
that stole the front page from Kaczynski.

A lady while dining at Crewe
Found a horse cock 'n balls in her stew.
Said the waiter, "Don't shout,
And don't wave it about,
Or the others will all want some too."

There was a young man from Bombay,
Who fashioned a pussy from clay,
But the heat of his prick,
Turned the pussy to brick,
And chafed all his foreskin away!

There once was a girl named Danielle,
Who would blush when her nipples would swell,
But her biggest frustration,
(uncontrolled flatulation),
Caused her love life to go all to hell.

There once was a lady from Greeling,
Who claimed to have no sexual feeling.
'Till a fellow named Morris,
Explored her clitoris.
..She had to be scraped off the ceiling!!

There once was a Minister's daughter
who hated the pony he'd bought her,
'til she found that it's dong
was as hard and as long
as the prayers that her father had taught her.

I once knew a man, made me frantic!
His member was super gigantic
He gave it a flip
(it was named for the ship)
"would you like to go down on Titanic?"

A guy with his girl in a Fiat
Said, "Where on earth is my key at?"
As he started to seek,
She let out a shriek,
"THAT'S not where it's likely to be at!"

There was a young fellow named Pfister,
Who noticed an odd sort of blister,
Where no blister should be.
What was worse - do you see? -
He had got it at home from his sister.

There was a young parson named Bings,
Who talked about God and such things;
But his secret desire
Was a lad in the choir,
With a bottom like jelly on springs.