Dirty Limericks

There was a young sailor from Brighton,
Who remarked to his girl, You've a tight one,
She replied, "Oh my soul,
You're in the wrong hole,
There's plenty of room in the right one!"

There once was a woman named Jill,
Tried a dynamite stick for the thrill,
They found her vagina,
In South Carolina,
And bits of her tits in Brazil!

There once was a man named Sweeney,
who somehow spilled gin on his weenie.
Just to be couth,
he added vermouth,
and then slipped his date a martini.

The lass I brought home was a prize,
With an alluring set of bright blue eyes,
Her breasts, so well kept,
Were what I'd expect,
But her penis was quite a surprise.

There was a young lady from Kew
Who said, as the bishop withdrew,
Oh, the Vicar is quicker,
And thicker and slicker,
And four inches longer than you.

The president's loud protestation,
On his fall to the intern's temptation:
"This affair is still moral,
As long as it's oral.
Straight screwing I save for the nation."

There once was a man from Nantucket,
Whose dick was so long he could suck it,
He said with a grin,
As he wiped off his chin,
"If my ear were a cunt, I could fuck it!"

There once was a man called Dave,
Who kept a dead whore in a cave,
He said "I admit,
I'm a bit of a shit,
But think of the money I save".

A lady once triplets begat,
Named Nat and Pat and Tat,
Though it was fun breeding,
The trouble was feeding,
Cause there just was no tit for Tat.

The limerick's callous and crude,
Its morals distressingly lewd;
It's not worth the reading
By persons of breeding -
It's designed for us vulgar and rude.