Dirty Limericks

There was a young sailor from Brighton,
Who remarked to his girl, You've a tight one,
She replied, "Oh my soul,
You're in the wrong hole,
There's plenty of room in the right one!"

There once was a woman named Jill,
Tried a dynamite stick for the thrill,
They found her vagina,
In South Carolina,
And bits of her tits in Brazil!

The lass I brought home was a prize,
With an alluring set of bright blue eyes,
Her breasts, so well kept,
Were what I'd expect,
But her penis was quite a surprise.

The president's loud protestation,
On his fall to the intern's temptation:
"This affair is still moral,
As long as it's oral.
Straight screwing I save for the nation."

There once was a man from Nantucket,
Whose dick was so long he could suck it,
He said with a grin,
As he wiped off his chin,
"If my ear were a cunt, I could fuck it!"

There once was a man named Sweeney,
who somehow spilled gin on his weenie.
Just to be couth,
he added vermouth,
and then slipped his date a martini.

There was a young lady from Kew
Who said, as the bishop withdrew,
Oh, the Vicar is quicker,
And thicker and slicker,
And four inches longer than you.

A lady once triplets begat,
Named Nat and Pat and Tat,
Though it was fun breeding,
The trouble was feeding,
Cause there just was no tit for Tat.

There once was a man called Dave,
Who kept a dead whore in a cave,
He said "I admit,
I'm a bit of a shit,
But think of the money I save".

The limerick's callous and crude,
Its morals distressingly lewd;
It's not worth the reading
By persons of breeding -
It's designed for us vulgar and rude.