Dirty Limericks

If vodka were water and I were a duck,
I'd swim to the bottom and never come up.
But water's not vodka and I'm not a duck,
So pass me a bottle and shut the f**k up.

There was a young girl from Madrass,
That had a magnificent ass.
You probably think,
it was soft and pink,
But was gray, had ears, and ate grass.

There once was a plumber from Leigh,
Who was plumbing his maid by the sea.
Said she, "Please stop plumbing,
I think someone's coming!"
Said he, "Yes I know love, it's me."

There once was a priest from Morocco,
Whose motto was really quite macho.
He said, to be blunt,
"God decreed we eat cunt!
Why else would it look like a taco?

There once was a man from Kent,
With a penis so long that it bent,
It was so much trouble,
That he folded it double,
And instead of coming, he went.

There once was a man from Madrass,
Who's balls were constructed of brass,
When jangled together,
They played stormy weather,
And lightening shot out of his ass!

There was a young girl in Reno,
Who lost all her dough playing keno.
But she lay on her back,
Exposing her crack,
And now she owns the casino.

Lewinsky and Clinton have shown,
What Kaczynski must surely have known:
That an intern is better,
Than a bomb in a letter,
Given the choice of how to be blown.

Said a woman with open delight,
My pubic hair's perfectly white.
I admit there's a glare,
But the fellows don't care
They locate it more quickly at night.

There once was a barmaid named Gail,
On whose breasts was the menu for ale.
Since she was so kind,
For the sake of the blind,
On her ass it was printed in Braille.