Dirty Limericks

There once was a barmaid named Gail,
On whose breasts was the menu for ale.
Since she was so kind,
For the sake of the blind,
On her ass it was printed in Braille.

There was an old man of Goditch,
Had the syph and the clap and the itch.
His name was McNabs,
And he also had crabs,
The dirty old son of a bitch.

There once was a vampire named Mable,
whose periods were really quite stable.
And every full moon,
she'd get out a spoon
and drink herself under the table.

There once was a girl named Hortense.
The size of her breasts was immense.
One day playing soccer,
Out popped her left knocker,
And she kicked it right over the fence.

There was a young girl from Hoboken,
Who claimed that her hymen was broken
From riding her bike
On a cobblestone pike.
But it really was broken from pokin'!!!

There once was a woman from Arden
Who was seen sucking a man in the garden
Her mother said, "Flo,
Where does it all go??
And she said, "Gulp, Beg your pardon?"

As Monica held on his bum,
Bill told her to swallow his cum.
She'd later confess,
That it dripped down on her dress,
Now everyone say's he was dumb.

There was a young maid from St. Jude,
Who attended a show in the nude.
A man in the front
said, "I think I smell cunt!"
Just like that...right out loud...fucking rude!!

There was a young dentist Malone,
who had a charming girl patient alone.
But in his depravity,
he filled the wrong cavity,
God, how his practice has grown!

There once was a queen of Bulgaria,
Whose bush had grown hairier and hairier.
Till a prince from Peru,
Who came up for a screw,
Had to hunt for her cunt with a terrier.