Dirty Limericks

There once was a pirate from Yates,
Who could dance the Fandango on Skates.
He fell on his cutlass,
Which rendered him nut-less,
And perfectly useless on dates.

There once was a girl named Hortense.
The size of her breasts was immense.
One day playing soccer,
Out popped her left knocker,
And she kicked it right over the fence.

There was a young girl from Hoboken,
Who claimed that her hymen was broken
From riding her bike
On a cobblestone pike.
But it really was broken from pokin'!!!

If intercourse gives you thrombosis,
While abstinence causes neurosis,
I'd prefer to expire,
Fulfilling desire,
Than live on in a state of psychosis.

There was a young maid from St. Jude,
Who attended a show in the nude.
A man in the front
said, "I think I smell cunt!"
Just like that...right out loud...fucking rude!!

Two lesbians north of the town,
Made sixty-nine love on the ground.
Their unbridled lust
Leaked out in the dust
And made so much mud that they drowned!!

There once was a queen of Bulgaria,
Whose bush had grown hairier and hairier.
Till a prince from Peru,
Who came up for a screw,
Had to hunt for her cunt with a terrier.

There was an old man of Goditch,
Had the syph and the clap and the itch.
His name was McNabs,
And he also had crabs,
The dirty old son of a bitch.

As Monica held on his bum,
Bill told her to swallow his cum.
She'd later confess,
That it dripped down on her dress,
Now everyone say's he was dumb.

A dull lad from around Istanbul,
Discovered red marks on his tool,
Said the Doctor, a cynic,
"Get out of my clinic,
And wipe off that lipstick, you fool!"