Dirty Limericks

There once was a clergyman's daughter
Who detested the pony he bought her,
Till she found that its dong
Was as hard and as long
As the prayers her father had taught her.
She married a fellow named Tony
Who soon found her fucking the pony.
Said he, 'What's it got,
My dear, that I've not?'
Sighed she, 'Just a yard-long bologna.'

There once was a girl named Hortense.
The size of her breasts was immense.
One day playing soccer,
Out popped her left knocker,
And she kicked it right over the fence.

There once was a queen of Bulgaria,
Whose bush had grown hairier and hairier.
Till a prince from Peru,
Who came up for a screw,
Had to hunt for her cunt with a terrier.

There once was a pirate from Yates,
Who could dance the Fandango on Skates.
He fell on his cutlass,
Which rendered him nut-less,
And perfectly useless on dates.

Two lesbians north of the town,
Made sixty-nine love on the ground.
Their unbridled lust
Leaked out in the dust
And made so much mud that they drowned!!

There was a young girl from Hoboken,
Who claimed that her hymen was broken
From riding her bike
On a cobblestone pike.
But it really was broken from pokin'!!!

There was a young dentist Malone,
who had a charming girl patient alone.
But in his depravity,
he filled the wrong cavity,
God, how his practice has grown!

A fair-skinned young maiden named Sharkey,
Once had an affair with a darky.
The result of their sins,
Were quadruplets, not twins,
One black, one white and two khaki.

There was a young maid from St. Jude,
Who attended a show in the nude.
A man in the front
said, "I think I smell cunt!"
Just like that...right out loud...fucking rude!!

A dull lad from around Istanbul,
Discovered red marks on his tool,
Said the Doctor, a cynic,
"Get out of my clinic,
And wipe off that lipstick, you fool!"