Dirty Limericks

There once was a pirate from Yates,
Who could dance the Fandango on Skates.
He fell on his cutlass,
Which rendered him nut-less,
And perfectly useless on dates.

There was a young girl from Hoboken,
Who claimed that her hymen was broken
From riding her bike
On a cobblestone pike.
But it really was broken from pokin'!!!

If intercourse gives you thrombosis,
While abstinence causes neurosis,
I'd prefer to expire,
Fulfilling desire,
Than live on in a state of psychosis.

There once was a girl named Hortense.
The size of her breasts was immense.
One day playing soccer,
Out popped her left knocker,
And she kicked it right over the fence.

Two lesbians north of the town,
Made sixty-nine love on the ground.
Their unbridled lust
Leaked out in the dust
And made so much mud that they drowned!!

There once was a queen of Bulgaria,
Whose bush had grown hairier and hairier.
Till a prince from Peru,
Who came up for a screw,
Had to hunt for her cunt with a terrier.

There was a young maid from St. Jude,
Who attended a show in the nude.
A man in the front
said, "I think I smell cunt!"
Just like that...right out loud...fucking rude!!

There was a young dentist Malone,
who had a charming girl patient alone.
But in his depravity,
he filled the wrong cavity,
God, how his practice has grown!

There was an old man of Goditch,
Had the syph and the clap and the itch.
His name was McNabs,
And he also had crabs,
The dirty old son of a bitch.

As Monica held on his bum,
Bill told her to swallow his cum.
She'd later confess,
That it dripped down on her dress,
Now everyone say's he was dumb.