Dirty Limericks

There was a young fellow in France,
With an awfully large tool in his pants.
T'was as big as a horse,
Said the ladies, of course,
"That would kill me, but, OH, for the chance!"

Said the Cardinal to Mother Superior,
"Your singing is just too inferior",
She, not to be crass,
Replied with some class,
"You can bloody well kiss my posterior!"

Ashes to ashes
and dust to dust...
if it weren't for women
your peckers would rust!

There once was a woman named dot
who lived on pig shit and snot
when she couldn't get these
she'd eat the cream cheese
that she scraped from the sides of her twat

There once was a lady from Greeling,
Who claimed to have no sexual feeling.
'Till a fellow named Morris,
Explored her clitoris.
..She had to be scraped off the ceiling!!

There was a young priest name of Cabot,
whose libido was that of a rabbit.
He'd kiss the young nuns,
and fondle their buns,
so well that he got in the habit.

A certain young fellow from Ransome
Had a dame seven times in a hansom.
When she shouted for more,
Said he from the floor,
The name, miss, is Simpson, not Samson.

There was a young man from Bombay,
Who fashioned a pussy from clay,
But the heat of his prick,
Turned the pussy to brick,
And chafed all his foreskin away!

A luscious psychotic named Jane,
Once sucked every man on a train.
Said she, "Please don't panic,
I'm just nymphomanic,
This wouldn't be fun were I sane."

From a crypt in the church of St. Giles,
Came a scream that resounded for miles!!
"My goodness gracious!"
Said brother Ignatius.
"I forgot that your lordship has piles."