Dirty Limericks

there once was a girl from china
who ate someones vagina
now every time shes wet
she fondles her pet
and now she has a shampoo and set

There was a man from Brazil
Who swallowed a dynamite pill
his stomach perspired, his arse backfired
And his dick shot over the hill

There was an old lady from wheeling, she had such a wonderful feeling.
She lay on her back, spread open her crack and came all over the ceiling.

There once was a man named Frank
Whose wife was a bit of a skank
He told her he'd pass
and slapped her on the ass
For it was her vagina that stank

There once was a pervert named Manny
Who stuck his long dick up his fanny
Oh, what's this shouting about?
Seems he can't get it out.
He can't shit, he can't Piss, it's uncanny!

There once was a pervert from Warsaw
Who loved a ewe that he once saw
But instead of getting sleep
He'd go out and fuck sheep
And now there's a kid who goes 'paaa'.

There once was a man named Perkin
always jerkin on his Gherkin
his mother said,"Perkin don't jerk on your
Gherkin your Gherkins for ferkin not jerkin!

There once was a woman from Drot
Who lived on green apples and snot.
In the year of the freeze
she lived on the cheese
She scraped from the sides of her twat.

there once was a woman from Nod
whom prayed from a child from God
it wasn't the almighty
who crept up her nighty
it was the vicar the dirty old sod

If vodka were water and I were a duck,
I'd swim to the bottom and never come up.
But water's not vodka and I'm not a duck,
So pass me a bottle and shut the f**k up.