General Limericks

On the chest of a barmaid from Sale, were tattooed the prices of ale, while on her behind, for the sake of the blind, was the same only written in Braille.

A mouse in her room woke Miss Doud
Who was frightened and screamed very loud
Then a happy thought hit her
To scare off the critter
She sat up in bed and meowed

I've got a tabby cat called Gizzy,
Who wants me whenever i'm busy,
She likes some attention,
But as soon as i mention,
A bath, she gets into a tizzy!

There once was a man from Van Isle
Who said jogging just wasn't his style.
"I'll get my workouts," he said,
"At home, in my bed,"
"'Cause a Miss is as good as a mile!"

The limerick's form's astronomical
To fit so much into space so economical.
But the ones that I've seen
Are so seldom clean
And the clean ones are so seldom comical.

There was a young lady from Peru
Who found an elephant's wang in her stew
Said the waiter, "Don't shout
or wave it about
or the others will all want one, too."

there was once a man from dundee
who's limericks stopped on line 3
.. oh.

I once met a lassie named Ruth
In a long distance telephone booth.
Now I know the perfection
Of an ideal connection,
Even if somewhat uncouth.

Last year on the road to Redemption,
My journey encountered preemption
With Grace and her sister;
The latter, I kissed 'er,
But Grace had my new tax exemption

Today when I strolled through my yard,
A ranchhand, young Sarah Faye Ard,
Was sunbathing nude,
So, not to be rude,
I stood there and thought long and hard.