General Limericks

A decrepit old gas-man named Peter
Whilst hunting around for the meter
Touched a leak with his light,
He arose out of sight,
And as anyone can see by reading this, also completely destroyed the meter.

There was a young lady from Peru
Who found an elephant's wang in her stew
Said the waiter, "Don't shout
or wave it about
or the others will all want one, too."

There once was a man named Gene.
I can't believe what I have seen.
From ear to ear,
the path is clear.
There is nothing in between.

I once met a lassie named Ruth
In a long distance telephone booth.
Now I know the perfection
Of an ideal connection,
Even if somewhat uncouth.

I've got a tabby cat called Gizzy,
Who wants me whenever i'm busy,
She likes some attention,
But as soon as i mention,
A bath, she gets into a tizzy!

Last year on the road to Redemption,
My journey encountered preemption
With Grace and her sister;
The latter, I kissed 'er,
But Grace had my new tax exemption

The limerick's form's astronomical
To fit so much into space so economical.
But the ones that I've seen
Are so seldom clean
And the clean ones are so seldom comical.

Today when I strolled through my yard,
A ranchhand, young Sarah Faye Ard,
Was sunbathing nude,
So, not to be rude,
I stood there and thought long and hard.

Whenever I enter a room,
The ladies all grow faint and swoon.
It's not my attraction
That's caused this reaction...
I've not had a bath since last June.

There once was a tomcat named Homer
A lover, a fighter, a roamer
'Til a guy that he met
Took him off to the vet
And "tomcat" is now a misnomer