General Limericks

Seven ages: first puking and mewling,
Then very pissed off with one's schooling,
Then fucks, and then fights,
Then judging chaps' rights,
Then sitting in slippers, then drooling.

A decrepit old gas-man named Peter
Whilst hunting around for the meter
Touched a leak with his light,
He arose out of sight,
And as anyone can see by reading this, also completely destroyed the meter.

Though he didn't like men per se
He did something that most would think gay
He sucked on his bone
When he was alone
As much as he could every day

The limerick packs laughs astronomical
in a space that is most economical.
But of the ones that I've seen,
so few have been clean,
and the clean ones are seldom so comical.

There once was a lady from Hyde,
Who ate a green apple and died,
While her lover lamented,
The apple fermented,
and made cider inside her inside.

There was a young lady named Perkins,
Who had a great fondness for gherkins ;
She went to a tea
And ate twenty-three,
Which pickled her internal workings.

There once was a man from Kentucky
Who fancied himself so unlucky
For despite the time
He spent finding rhymes
He ran out of ones for Kentucky :(

The bustard's an exquisite fowl,
Without any reason to growl.
It escapes what would be,
Illegitimacy,
By the grace of a fortunate vowel.

there once was a woman from scranton
the sight of her got me apantin'
as good as she was
I had to leave cuz
all of her ravin' and rantin'

A mouse in her room woke Miss Doud
Who was frightened and screamed very loud
Then a happy thought hit her
To scare off the critter
She sat up in bed and meowed