General Limericks

Seven ages: first puking and mewling,
Then very pissed off with one's schooling,
Then fucks, and then fights,
Then judging chaps' rights,
Then sitting in slippers, then drooling.

A decrepit old gas-man named Peter
Whilst hunting around for the meter
Touched a leak with his light,
He arose out of sight,
And as anyone can see by reading this, also completely destroyed the meter.

The limerick packs laughs astronomical
in a space that is most economical.
But of the ones that I've seen,
so few have been clean,
and the clean ones are seldom so comical.

There once was a lady from Hyde,
Who ate a green apple and died,
While her lover lamented,
The apple fermented,
and made cider inside her inside.

There was a young lady named Perkins,
Who had a great fondness for gherkins ;
She went to a tea
And ate twenty-three,
Which pickled her internal workings.

There once was a man from Kentucky
Who fancied himself so unlucky
For despite the time
He spent finding rhymes
He ran out of ones for Kentucky :(

The bustard's an exquisite fowl,
Without any reason to growl.
It escapes what would be,
Illegitimacy,
By the grace of a fortunate vowel.

there once was a woman from scranton
the sight of her got me apantin'
as good as she was
I had to leave cuz
all of her ravin' and rantin'

A mouse in her room woke Miss Doud
Who was frightened and screamed very loud
Then a happy thought hit her
To scare off the critter
She sat up in bed and meowed

There once was a guy named Matt
Who had an overly large cat
When it chased a mouse
It shook the whole house
So Matt got rid of the cat.