General Limericks

A seamstress who lived by the Thames
Made a living by sewing up hames
While her brother in Leicester
Was a wealthy inveicester
And owned some magnificent geames

A wonderful bird is the pelican,
His bill will hold more than his belican.
He can take in his beak
Food enough for a week,
but I'm damned if I see how the helican.

A terrible poet was Jenny
Whose limericks weren't worth a penny.
In technique they were sound,
But she always found
Whenever she tried to write any,
That she always wrote one line too many.

A perceptive young buck in the Gloucesters ,Yearned for a cold tinnie of Fosters,Rat piss in a pail,With melted down hail,He accepted as clever impostors.

There is a young poet named Herman.
He's not very good, but he's learnin',
Though he often offends
Because he so often ends
Alle sein Limericks auf Deutsch.

There was a young lady one fall
Who wore a newspaper dress to a ball.
The dress caught fire
And burned her entire
Front page, sporting section and all.

A Dozen, a Gross and a Score,
Plus three times the square root of four.
Divided by seven,
Plus five times eleven,
Equals nine squared and not a bit more.

Two former good friends, Fife and Cline,
Met by accidental design,
Inquired Mister Fife,
"Hello, how's the wife?",
Responded Cline, "Fine, and how's mine?"

There was a young woman from queens
who gobbled a plateful of beans.
The beans were fermented
and the girl was tormented
by embarrasing sounds in her jeans.

Once lived a drunken man with a wooden leg
Who’s his misfortune forced him to dance and beg
The problem he had
Was tragic and sad
Since his leg, the remains of a Keg