General Limericks

A seamstress who lived by the Thames
Made a living by sewing up hames
While her brother in Leicester
Was a wealthy inveicester
And owned some magnificent geames

A wonderful bird is the pelican,
His bill will hold more than his belican.
He can take in his beak
Food enough for a week,
but I'm damned if I see how the helican.

A terrible poet was Jenny
Whose limericks weren't worth a penny.
In technique they were sound,
But she always found
Whenever she tried to write any,
That she always wrote one line too many.

A perceptive young buck in the Gloucesters ,Yearned for a cold tinnie of Fosters,Rat piss in a pail,With melted down hail,He accepted as clever impostors.

A Dozen, a Gross and a Score,
Plus three times the square root of four.
Divided by seven,
Plus five times eleven,
Equals nine squared and not a bit more.

There is a young poet named Herman.
He's not very good, but he's learnin',
Though he often offends
Because he so often ends
Alle sein Limericks auf Deutsch.

There was a young lady one fall
Who wore a newspaper dress to a ball.
The dress caught fire
And burned her entire
Front page, sporting section and all.

Two former good friends, Fife and Cline,
Met by accidental design,
Inquired Mister Fife,
"Hello, how's the wife?",
Responded Cline, "Fine, and how's mine?"

There was a young woman from queens
who gobbled a plateful of beans.
The beans were fermented
and the girl was tormented
by embarrasing sounds in her jeans.

Once lived a drunken man with a wooden leg
Who’s his misfortune forced him to dance and beg
The problem he had
Was tragic and sad
Since his leg, the remains of a Keg