General Limericks

A newspaper poet for Hearst
Deprived of his reason
By uncontrolled sneezing
Was by phantasmal demons coerced
To write all of his limericks reversed.

See that lighthouse beam in the sky
That guides yonder ships going by?
My friend shines that beam;
She's living her dream.
I'm in grad school. I still don't know why.

There once was a man from Shrewsbury,
whose ship set sail in a hurry.
His Beagle found land
and he saw firsthand
evidence our ancestors were furry.

Remember that artist quite quaint,
who swallowed some samples of paint?
All shades of the spectrum,
flowed out of his rectum,
with a colourful lack of restraint.

A poet ran out of ideas;
Because he had no more ideas;
He repeated himself,
By repeating himself,
Because he ran out of ideas;

The Xiol are pleasantly kind,
of genders they have total: nine.
Their children are crafted,
when one does get shafted,
by the other eight standing in line.

A tutor who tooted the flute
tried to tutor two tooters to toot
said the two to the tutor,
"is it tougher to toot, or
to tutor two tooters to toot?"

Regarding "Hey Diddle Diddle"
Remember the Cat with his fiddle?
Did he know how they made
The strings that he played?
'Cuz they came from a relative's middle